Top Ten Rejected 1-900 Number Themes

10. Dial-a-Gramps - neglected old people tell you their gripes while in a feisty mood.

9. The Necrophiliac Line. "Hello? Are you dead?" [pause] "Awwww yeah, I KNOW you are..."

8. The Psychic Acquintances Line: real live psychics know your future but don't really feel like telling you.

7. EchoLine: a guy on the other end repeats everything you say.

6. The Telemarketing Line: your call is immediately routed to an annoying telemarketer who will attempt to sell you "The Bucky Book."

5. Dial-a-Ferret: hours of pre-recorded ferrets scratching at beanbags and making little squeaky whiny noises.

4. The Gangster Line: Your call is picked up by an angry 1920's style gangster who threatens to break both your legs if you don't put a certain amount of money in an unmarked envelope left by the Ash Street entrance.

3. The Necro-Bestiality Line: "Hello? Are you dead?" [pause] "Are you some kind of animal?" [pause] "Awwww yeah, I KNOW you are..."

2. 1-900-FAT-BOYS: The famous Fat Boys bust out with tough truths about life in the 'hood, as well as rapping popular party hits such as "My Nuts," just for you.

1. The Assistant Principal Line: Different grade-level principals share their fantasies about disciplining euchre players, using walkie-talkies for sexually explicit transmissions, and inflicting forbidden corporal punishment upon students they find to be "naughty... but nice!"