Singing Valentine spinoff a hit

Due to the unprecedented success of West's recent "Singing Valentine" fundraiser, the student council last week launched an ambitious year-round spinoff of this service. Eager to gain a long, mature list of regular customers, administrators encouraged a more intimate service to be featured. Following this advice, the council founded a service all adolescents are sure to look Into. "Singing Blowjobs" we now available to all West students, as gifts to a friend or to oneself.

Although not all the precise details of the new "Singing Blowjob" plan have been hammered not, most participants have a fairly good idea of how the program will work. "You can purchase your blowjob at lunch or before school at the Ash Street entrance," a blowjob volunteer explained to the Liberator, "and be sure to specify what hour the lucky recipient shall receive the, ah, gift. Also, be sure to specify whether it should be delivered by a male or female volunteer fellacionist. We've had nasty mishaps before when people haven't specified."

At the designated hour, four enthusiastic students enter the classroom singing one of several songs, (such as a "Gonna Make You Sweat" or "A Hard Day's Night") during which one of the four breaks off and, well, hums instead.

After receiving a demonstration of the new service, grade level principals were quoted as being "thoroughly satisfied." Teachers, however, were notably Iess excited.

One agitated chemistry teacher quipped, "Fractional Distillation is damn near impossible, even without distractions. Add orgasms into the lab, and everything falls apart."

Many fear the even the most professionally managed prostitution service has a negative effect on education. Esctatic screams often disrupt tests and confuse Shakespeare readings. Students volunteering service end the day exhausted and short of breath, unable to effectively complete homework. Students may be forced to decide between solid education or sporadic bliss in the near future.