Top Ten Rejected West High Skipcalls

10. AAUAUUUGH! THIS IS ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL JACK SCHLEISMAN! YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER MUST DIE! IN FLAMES! HE OR SHE HAS SINNED! HE OR SHE WILL BE DAMNED TO THE INFERNO FOR ALL ETERNITY! Please call the office at 267-7016 if you have any questions.

9. Your 12th grade son or daughter has been marked absent for one or more classes. He or she is a Senior, though, so who cares?

8. This is Assistant Principal Jack Schleisman. Your son or daughter really hurt my feelings today by leaving class.

7. The untimely death of your son or daughter has resulted in he or she being marked for one or more absences today. Just kidding.

6. Unless the computer screwed up, a teacher colored in the wrong circle, someone lost a pass or we called the wrong number, your son or daughter was absent for one or more classes today.

5. Hey, your little bastard got caught skipping again.

4. This is Assistant Principal Jack Schleisman. I'm going to make your 12th grade son or daughter squeal like a pig.

3. This is your 12th grade son or daughter. I skipped today.

2. This is the West High Pimp Squad. Your son or daughter hasn't paid his or her money. Where's our money, bitch?

1. Hello, this is dreamy and handsome Assistant Principal Jack Schleisman. Your 12th grade son or daughter has been marked absent for one or more classes. Call 267-7016 if you'd like to discuss this and other absences. Otherwise, call 1-900-HOT-JACK if you'd like the most erotic phone sex of your life. I'm waiting.