11th Commandment Revealed

Religious community thrown into chaos

God threw the Judeo-Christian world into turmoil last Thursday after He released a holy press release in which the 11th commandment was bestowed to humanity. Millions of Jehovah's faithful followers felt let down and disappointed when Our Lord broke a nearly 2000 year period of silence, only to announce:

"Thou shalt disregard the previous ten."

Various clergy have since appeared on television, urging all good Christians, Jews, and Moslems to fornicate with their married friends, lie, steal, disrespect their parents, and even covet their neighbor's cattle. Public reaction to major Churches' complete reversal on their previous policy of goodness has largely been negative.

One outraged Brazilian woman is quoted as saying: "I used to be able to find sympathy, safety, and compassion at church. Now whenever I go to confession several monks snatch my purse and beat the shit out of me. I'm seriously considering a conversion to Hinduism."

Abraham the holy reporter came upon God's glowing press release on a remote mountaintop in Israel.

God has made several personal appearances since His radical change in policy. On a recent Late Show with David Letterman he defensively quipped "My previous act-nice policy proved unsuitable for the sinful masses. By making sin a virtue, I have actually made the majority of humanity good once again. God later delighted the audience with an amusing "spit take."

A Vatican task force has therefore undertaken the arduous task of updating a largely obsolete Bible. They reportedly plan to spend most of their time rewriting the book of Proverbs, making it consistent with the new 11th commandment. "It isn't enough for people to merely try to act evil," a Vatican spokesman said, "they must do evil in God's name." The Holy Bible, 2nd edition, shall be available at Border's Books by next March. It is the church's hope that faithful parishioners will keep the Bible on the New York Times bestsellers list for several weeks, so everyone can buy it at 20% discount.

One local notable in favor of the 11th commandment is Madison's celebrated Borflax the Demon. Much delighted with God's recent change of mind, Borflax plans to convert to Angelicism as soon as possible.