Top Ten Ways To Improve West High School

10) School song changed to Steppenwolf's "Magic Carpet Ride"

9) Security guards replaced with funky street musicians.

8) Curriculum diversified to include classes such as "Demolitions", "Bong Mechanics", and "Drawing and Tattoo Design."

7) Instead of "Fitness Day," Phy Ed classes offer "Alcohol Tolerance Day."

6) LMC doubles as a massage parlor.

5) Every class has smoking and nonsmoking sections.

4) All cheerleaders required to weigh under 300 pounds.

3) One simple concept: Snapple drinking fountains.

2) Hat ban extended to include all forms of clothing.

1) Elizabeth Burmaster replaced with the ghost of Bob Marley.