The Tick Society New Parasite Manifesto

Via our correspondent in Oslo, Norway, The Liberator is proud to bring you something more profound then whatever you currently believe in.

To whom it may concern: In this age of mass-media sedation, of grand scale desensitizing of our populace, we, the Mystic Order of Arachnid Vigilance, propose a new way of thinking. One that will prevent the stagnancy of everyday living, that will destroy the bland, textureless routine of this machine-like existence. We propose a new morality based not on religion, not on obligation, but on the personal advantages of common decency. There are three basic steps to this process:

1) Be good to people; there's something in it for you.

2) Embrace the strange and bizarre, except where dangerous.

3) Eat a piece of prejudice at breakfast.

There are strange things going on out here. Become part of them. Embrace circumstance, but avoid irony. Weather adversity, be wary of comfort. Stop wearing corduroys. V-necked sweaters are out. Check all the plugs on your appliances for wear and tear. Admit that your pets are ugly. Think about politics, then have a conversation about something more palatable. Do the right thing, but don't overdo the right thing. Do two right things today and take tomorrow off. Avoid carnivals and circuses unless you UNDERSTAND them. Sleep naked one night, and fully clothed the next. Don't whine about the postal system; it's a magic thing. Place a monetary value on your pain and demand that sum from your future. Remove violence from the menu of your actions. Divide your birthdate by the number of years you've lived and write down the number; it means something. Fail. Succeed. Compare the two and select your preference.

Fold this paper seven times and give it to a random acquaintance.