Onion Editor Encourages Student Efforts

Some months ago, I found within my greedy little fingers a couple precious copies of a petulant little rag known as The Liberator. Replete with spelling mistakes, grammatical guffaws and layout weirdness known to cause immediate and severe intestinal cramping, The Liberator seemed to cry out for the help afforded only by a tract of land, a shovel and a minister of the appropriate religion. But! It was with haste that I fell upon such a decision. To open the door onto this creation and absorb, through the most mighty processes of intellectual osmosis, the nectar of knowledge held within took more than the judgmental glance I had afforded it.

Indeed, I set about to study the stories, editorials, features, cartoons and even the chilling Chaos symbol that graced many a page. As Rudolf Nureyev, I'm sure, commented often on a particularly fanciful glass of vodka, I too came to this simple conclusion: "Is very gud!" Held within simple Xerox pages is a wisdom beyond the expectations of normal youth. The words within The Liberator speak of an honest challenge to the conventions that so many adolescent urchins fall prey to, like beef cattle to slaughter. Sacrificing money, time and chances to engage in robust intercourse, these intellectual warriors strive only to provide the very foundations of thought in order to pull readers away from less savory publications and into the most pure forms of mental masturbation. Question what you're told! Resist the urge to waste away your precious moments with other students engaged in persiflage like a herd of sentient cabbage! Rise above the slanderous accusations afforded by laughable sources of mentally bankrupt snot masquerading as official student newspapers.

It took me until the fossilized depths of 22 years until I realized the chances we had as adolescents to expand our minds beyond the tiny spheres of influence around us. Indeed, then, one should hope that more people will steep their minds in The Liberator. More so than anything else offered to you (other than THE ONION, perhaps), it opens the mind to what COULD be, instead of the meandering of those so full of themselves to think they know what should be.

Signed, A.B.W. Graphic Designer, THE ONION, INC.