Aliens Want Our Bisquick

One of the Liberator's CIA contacts has revealed that mankind has indeed had contact with an alien race, and that they are demanding a way to make fluffy, better-tasting pancakes with low cholesterol.

The contact, who prefers to remain anonymous, claims that "we tried to negotiate, but they wouldn't understand that everyone wants fluffy pancakes, and that we were prepared to fight for our Bisquick."

An attempt was made to buy off the alien intruders with Aunt Jemima, but they would accept no substitutes.

In a taped interview, an alien spokesman lashed out the US Government, saying that "giving us Aunt Ja-whatever is a slap in the face! This stuff doesn't have the fluffy texture of Bisquick, nor does it have that homemade taste like mom used to make! We want Bisquick, and we will settle for no substitutes!

Alien threats of atomizing the planet were quickly discarded when it was discovered that they had borrowed it from a Looney Tunes cartoon and really had no idea what it meant. This segment of negotiations was recorded:

Contact: Are you threatening us with destruction, unless we comply?

Alien: No, not destruction; we will atomize you.

Contact: So you're going to destroy us?

Alien: No, I said atomize!

This led negotiators to believe that the visitors were bluffing, leaving the possibility of a conftontation! Until we hear more, keep on eye on that Bisquick!