The Joke's on You!

For years, they schemed. Over a decade, plans were laid. Now, the joke is revealed. All of your jobs, relationships, parties, possessions, and accomplishments have been pre-arranged. In fact, your entire life has just been one colossal joke, designed for the public's amusement, and boy, are you funny! Even now you hilariously scoff, making a fool of yourself to everyone watching you through the hidden cameras in the room. Come on, now, just think about it! Everything makes perfect sense. Your friends never really seemed to like you, did they? Of course, they were all actors in on the joke! The same can be said for most of your family, too. Of course, a few members of your "family" came from the same clone factory, but we'll get into that at some other time. That whimsical, disbelieving expression on your face is quite hilarious; please hold it for a moment so we can get a close-up. Thanks. Oh, and you might as well stop talking to that guy next to you. He's in on the joke, just like everyone else at school, and he's trying his best not to laugh (along with everyone else in the room, that is)!

Perhaps it's time to inform you that an entire high school education can be programmed into the brain in a mere 50 minutes. Of course, you were sent to this hastily created "school" so you could suffer out things the ancient way, all to the amusement of your so-called friends and family, not to mention the millions of viewers at home. All the time you've spent studying, (not enough, I might add) has been watched by the American public. Those hidden cameras in your bedroom have been just great! It was all such a waste of time, on your behalf at least! Yes, you should know what things are really like. The joke's on you! Your TV is rigged. All the channels and programs you've ever watched are fake. No, it makes perfect sense! If TV actually was that bad, all the networks would go bankrupt in a week! There is no such food as pizza. That revolting stuff you and some actors have downed is actually just a colorful pseudofood made primarily from soybeans and human feces. There is no such thing as childbirth, at least not in recent history. Cats are sentient, and much smarter than humans. You really fell for their act, didn't you!

We lost the Spanish-American war, and the American colonies are currently under French rule. Seattle, Washington does not exist. There in fact is such thing as the tooth fairy, and you'll likely rot in hell for not believing in him. Oh yes, and Santa Claus is the Anti-Christ. Just thought you'd like to know. In 65 minutes, all the actors in the building will be given permission to laugh at you. We, the Fox Television Network, Czars of the airwaves, have been the planners and designers of your hilarious life. We're not quite sure what to do with you now. Since our little joke has deprived you of any practical training or skills, and you're not very bright to begin with, we'll just have to put you some place where you can live a productive and private life. So if you'd be so kind, X-48.6 1, (Oh yes, that is your true name, not that goofy alphabetic sound we called you) please report to the Communications Office' where President Burmaster will see you off to your new job at the salt mines. Have a nice life!