The Editor-In-Chief Speaks Out

(typesetter's note: I found this letter in the EIC's folder and liked it better than the one he wanted me to run. karma.)

Dearest Sara,

My soul aches for your affection; time drags by at a tediously slow pace as I await the weekend, and the warmth of your tender embrace. I've been consumed by thoughts of our last meeting, and rest assured that I will never forget your gentle carresses and loving words. Anyway, that aside for the moment, it turns out that rumour I mentioned about Mr. Loker was totally untrue; not only was he completely sober AND wearing all his clothes at the birthday party, he does NOT have two married cousins, and

(letter cut short to allow space for a cool chaos symbol.)