No More Regents!

West teams now the "Eunuchs"

In a hasty move to comply with Principal Burmaster's request, yesterday the West High Intermural Sports council unanimously voted to change the name of West High's sports teams. Instead of being referred to as the Regents, West High teams shall now be known as the Eunuchs. The name Eunuch was chosen because it complies with Burmaster's request for a more sensitive and widely acceptable name.

"The name Regents," she explained "is purely masculine, unfairly treating the women's sport teams. In such a male-dominated society, its nice to have a more ... uh...unisex name."

So far, the student populace has had a mixed reaction to the name change. For most athletes, however, the change considered to be negative.

"How can I, like, rally behind it?" one athlete was overheard saying. "I mean, when we were the Regents, we were like, kings, and that was cool. Now we're supposed to be like a bunch of guys running around with our nuts cut off. Hey man, that's like, kinda sick, huh?"

Perhaps the person having the most difficulty with the change is everybody's favorite Crazy DJ, José. Infamous for his spirited morning announcement battle calls, José quoted us some serious arguments against the new name.

"With the name Regents, I was able to procreate whimsical alliteration, i.e. 'Rockin Regents.' However, with this name exchange pending, I shall find this task to be increasingly arduous. What, may I inquire, shall I ever spontaneously generate with the title 'Eunuch?' Perhaps the 'Enthusiastic Eunuchs?' I think not."

Many claim that the name change was never legitimate at all. Apparently, the coaches who voted on the issue were under extremely undue pressure. Libby Burmaster has been accused threatening several coaches into submission, telling them tales of how uncooperative teachers' paychecks have a way of getting "misplaced" at times. The Liberator intends to investigate the matter further before revealing any more details.