Brady Bunch 'Lost Episode' Recovered

Recovered after years in a studio vault, Liberator operatives have unearthed a never before seen Brady Bunch script, which, for reasons unknown to us, was never aired. This is a reprinted transcript.

The Bradys: Judgement Day

Bradys Home: Girl's Room

[Marsha is admiring herself in the mirror]

Greg [Entering through the bathroom door, talking in suave tone]: Golly Marsha, you sure look really groovy today.

Marsha: Thanks Greg. You look pretty hip yourself.

Greg: Thanks. You know, Marsha, we haven't really gotto know each other too well.

Marsha: What do you mean? We've lived together for a while now.

Greg: Yeah, but I want you to open up to me, you know what I mean?

Marsha:No, I don't.

Greg: Marsha, you turn me on. I want you.

Marsha: Greg! We're brother and sister!

Greg: Only by law, Marsha. I've been watching you, and I think you feel the same way.

Marsha: You're right, Greg. Take me now! [they kiss passionately]

Alice [entering from main door]: Marsha, I have your laundry and... AAAUGH! [runs out of the room]

Marsha [stunned]: Oh no! Now mom and dad will know.

Greg: Mom and dad won't find out. I'll take care of Alice. Besides, I need satisfaction now!

Marsha: Okay. Show me what you've got, big boy! [walks to bed, fade out] Ohhhhh Grrrreg!

[later]

Mike: Hey, Greg. We're all going to get some ice cream. Want to come along, son?

Greg: Uh, no thanks pop. I... uh... got some business to take care of. Where's Alice?

Mike: In the laundry room. See you later! [leaves]

Laundry room

Alice [doing laundry, humming laundry song]: la da da la da da

Greg [low voice]: Alice.

Alice: uh ... hi ... Greg. Need something?

Greg: Do mom and dad know yet?

Alice [scared]: About what? heh-heh.

Greg: Shut up, bitch! You know what I'm talking about.

Alice: You mean about you and Marsha's little incest fuck fest? You should be ashamed.

Greg [backhanding Alice in the face]: Shut up, you cunt!

Alice [falls to ground]: I'm sorry, Greg!

Greg: [produces steak knife; in funny, middle-class kind of way, stabs Alice 19 times] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Still later on: Backyard/Garage

Cindy: That was great ice cream, mommy.

Carol: Yes, it was.

Cindy [pointing towards garden]: Mommy, mommy, what's that?

Greg [leaning out from window]: It's Alice's dead body, you money sucking wench!

Mrs. Brady: Greg! How could you? Do you have any idea how hard it is to find good help these days?

Cindy: Why, Greg? Why?

Greg: So no one would find out about me and Marsha's groovy forbidden love.

Mr. Brady: But Greg ... Marsha's ugly as shit.

Marsha: You said noone would find out, Greg.

Greg: They won't know in about 20 seconds [pulling out submachine gun] Die fatherl [putting slugs in Mike] Die, assholes and bitches I [cross firing, taking down Cindy, Bobby, Peter, JM and Carol] HaHaHa! I'm the Supreme Being now!

Marsha: Greg, you dick, I was in love with Cindy!

Greg: If that's true, then you can see her in hell [shooting Marsh in eye] Now I'm with no love. What am I going to do?

Sam the Butcher: I'll be your new lover, Greg.

Greg [turns around to see the neighborhood butcher in bondage and discipline suit]: Hey. Why not?

[fade out with Greg and Sam walking into the sunset, hand in hand, run theme song]