To Arms! To Arms!

DECA staff calls for "open rebellion", free cookies

An interview with "Dave", secret controller of DECA.

Liberator: Dave, you're calling upon students to take the law into their own hands and overthrow the US Government violently, correct?

Dave: No, you misunderstand. DECA is NOT calling upon students to perform random acts of violence on our behalf. We're calling upon students to carefully select their targets and eliminate them quickly and humanely.

L: So, you're not bad people... You're simply calling for a campaign of terror and mayhem to further your own power-mad and demented ambitions?

D: Exactly. We've got everyone's best interests at heart. We're working to build a better future.

L: What are your motivations for calling for this "Lunchroom Intifadah?"

D: Well, we at DECA just want to be loved. And we've worked out that the best way to bring about universal praise for our organization would be to control the universe, starting with this planet.

L: Does your quest for power have anything to do with your mother?

D: No.

L: Are you certain?

D: Yes.

L: You're lying. Once DECA is firmly in control of the planet, what sort of future do you see for humanity?

D: Bright, very bright. Everyone will enjoy working at the Moosehead Shed 12 hours a day. Basket weaving will be considered the pinnacle of achievement. Nylon fabric and vibrating eggs will be declared illegal, and erotic women will service DECA officials day and night.

L: Sounds expensive. Does DECA have any major financial supporters?

D: Remember Perot?

L: H. Ross? Very impressive.

D: Well, his daughter's wedding co-ordinator is working for us, and promises to send us a $20 money order very soon. Plus the incredible profit made from Moosehead candy, of course.

L: Of course. Any last words?

D: Remember: Be all you can be. Service me.

L: Thanks. Liberator out.