Toilet Mold menace revealed

MADISON – Research experts at the Hazelton Laboratories in Madison, WI have discovered a frightening amount of mold in the toilets of Madison Memorial and West high schools, as well as Van Hise Middle School. Apparently the mold was caked three inches thick under the rims of the 72 toilets studied, and was described as yellow-brown in color by team leader Jack U. Lation.

The mold was caused by the buildup of feces and urine, which then turned into a sort of maggot breeding ground. The mold developed when dangerous amounts of bacteria bred in the toilets and slowly created the mold. The methane and carbon monoxide created my the mold is creating a problem in need of urgent care. When these two gasses combine, a highly flammable gas called tetrahydroxypropyl is created which could cause a gigantic explosion. The only way to cease the production of THP is with certain key elements found in saliva.

"Students who are caught wearing hats on school grounds will be forced to lick the mold off," said a school official last week, "and we're also considering putting it in the school lunches due to lack of funds." Many say the school lunch is what is causing the bacteria infested feces, but this is still being debated.