Presidential Election Coverage

by Big Bob the Wiener Schnitzel

I feel that the Republicans amount to one giant, smelly vat of phlegmy mucus. On the other hand, however, I would compare the Democrats to a large, shiny bowl of happiness, quivering with ecstasy. First, I will talk about the Republicans. George Bush, the presidential nominee, has four humoungous faults: 1) He uses too many hand gestures, 2) he doesn't care about the American people, 3) he has Goober for Vice President, and most importantly, 4) he doesn't like broccoli, thus not supporting G.O.B.A., Growers of Broccoli in America. Now to Dan Quayle. Not only is he a goober, but he is a dolt, dweeb, and can't spell p-o-t-a-t-o.

Now, the Democrats. They only have two faults: 1) Tipper Gore and 2) lack of marijuana inhalation. However, Gore might have inhaled marijunna at one time, so that might take care of fault #2. Now, back to Tipper Gore. Not only did she put unhappy stickers on friendly records, tapes, and CDs, she doesn't believe in the using underarm deodorant. But Gore and Clinton, the compulsive joggers, both love to use underam deodorant to keep them from smelling like compulsive joggers.

Many people think this is the most important election of the year, but naturally I feel that the most important election of the year is whether to hold is National Asparagus month, or National Celebrate Your Appliances Month. I will write in a vote for National Cheesy Underwear Appreciation Month. If you have any opinions on which new national month we should adopt, contact me, Big Bob at the Liberator office located 11 Upper 69th position in Tuskaloosa, Alabama, or 16 upper 69th position, in Conk-on-SmellyNose just outside of London. Remember: SOUP is GOOD FOOD!