Laffy Taffy and Subliminal Things

by Dr. 7

When I heard of the coming of the great paper, The Liberator, I thought to myself, "Seven, old man, time to scribe another long-winded article." While I was perusing the Elk Horn Shack (the names have been changed to protect the innocent, though Lord knows few of them are), I stumbled upon a candy know as Laffy Taffy. I have since become addicted to the candy Itself, but I always found the "jokes" on every wrapper lame and tasteless. You'd think they would figure this out at junk food central. However, one day I read a wrapper upside down and, lo and behold, I stumbled upon a discovery.

I mean, of course, subliminal messages. All the rage these days, subliminal messages have even invaded our candy. Here's a small sample:

A pitcher who throws screwballs, because money doesn't grow on trees, a plain-clothesman, a dumbbell

The fist two take a sarcastic look at the high pay of professional baseball stars. The second two are reprimanding the undercover cops that invade our nation's high schools. While this one can be comprehended directly, others hit us more subtly:

A bee flying backwards, because she wanted to grow bangs, the ghostess with the mostess, high spirits

Very deep. I'm glad I could finally reveal to the public this nasty trend. Many of our world's problems may have their origins here. Not that I care.