Flak Magazine: Review of Dude, Where's My Car?, 01-03-01

Ever since the advent of Homer Simpson and Ed Bundy, America has defaulted to the stupid-is-funny, “father knows least” formula for a quick laugh. Dude, Where’s My Car? is a product of that mold, relying on the same brand of airhead humor that made Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Dumb and Dumber hits. Unfortunately, Dude is saddled with a solid plot. Instead of leaping across time or testing a biodome, Dude is an intriguing mystery, absolutely ruined by piss-poor follow-through.

The setup is simple and promising: Jesse (Seann William Scott, American Pie) and Chester (Ashton Kutcher, “That ’70s Show”), two iconoplast stoners, wake up to find (a) they can’t remember the previous night, and (b) their car gone. It’s basically the same setup as Blair Witch 2, except when their first herald of the night’s romp is named Christie Boner (Kristy Swanson, back again), you realize it has nowhere near the same implications.

Chester and Jesse take their smart-stoner/dumb-stoner act on the road, traipsing through town, trying to find the car. The way that the mystery is filled in is interesting: bit by bit, they find physical evidence of some of their happenings as they confront characters from the night before. The mystery is pieced together nicely, but loses all credibility when those characters are a gender-challenged stripper, interstellar leathermen with mock-Swedish accents, five femme-bot aliens, typical ageless jocks and a bevy of bubble-pop-clad sci-fi geeks.

As the story progresses, Dude calls on the cosmos-hopping Bill and Ted the most. An item left in their car is some magical alien instrument that will tear the universe apart if in the wrong hands. Clearly, the wrong hands belong to the five femme-bots, who follow the crumb trail to any Chester and Jesse associate and aver “We are hot chicks,” offering erotic pleasure for assistance or information.

Standing on such strong shoulders, how can Dude not disappoint? As the tale leads them around town and toward its climax, what twist can they provide to make Dude memorable? Predictably, none. The loose ends keep piling up, but the denouement is quick and unexciting. Once all the questions are answered, you realize “Oh — I have no more questions. Movie must be over.” It’s The Usual Suspects ending with Verbal Kint just leaving Agent Kujan’ office. There is no lack of opportunity for Dude to become a funny movie with a great structure and a better ending (Drowning Mona).

The performances in Dude are atrocious, both in theory and in practice. It is clear that despite the movie’s comedic intentions, each character from the top down functions as a piece in the chess game for this interstellar MacGuffin. And so, in order for the story to work, each character has two clear choices: blend or don’t. Some, like the twin maidens (Jennifer Garner and Marla Sokoloff) blend well, and manage to entertain without being foolish. Most don’t, highlighted by Scott, trying his damnedest to be as stupid as possible. He singlehandedly ruins most of the gags in Dude with his over-the-top, thumb-up-his-ass performance. The problem is that if Scott were replaced with someone more subtle (for some reason, Tobey Maguire comes to mind), Dude would still disappoint. This film cannot escape the dead weight of its uninspired and tried-but-tired cast of characters.

No-name director Danny Leiner apparently wanted to capture the numbskull comedy of the ’80s and pull it through the ringer of modern Kevin Smith-ian contraptions. As a result, he made two movies: one, an intriguing whodunit with faceless pawns and an involved course, the other, a revolting gaggle of unbelievable and mind-numbing archetypes that insult the viewer with their presence. If you want a surprising level of insight on the structure of storytelling, give Dude a chance. If you want more skull-slapping stoner entertainment, do yourself a favor and pop in your copy of Bill and Ted.

— Andy Stilp (andy.stilp at gmail dot com)