Star Wars Celebration II

Star Wars Celebration II, the official national convention of the new Star Wars movie release, appeared to be the largest throng of fans, kooks and hangers-on seen in the Indianapolis area since the crowd that greeted Mike Tyson upon his release from prison. "The fans assembled here say the release of a new Star Wars movie is a big event in their lives," said a local television reporter, with a facial expression that added, "if they happen to get one."

Star Wars Celebration is a little shindig put on by Lucasfilm and Wizards of the Coast, the role-playing game division of Hasbro that gets to sell Star Wars merchandise. Its purpose: to get the hard-core fan revved up for a new installment of the 25-year-old franchise, in this case the May 16 release of Episode II: Attack of the Clones.

It's like a movie geek's version of a political convention, except instead of having to curry political favor to get in, you only have to pay $30 for the day, $75 for the weekend. The first convention was in Denver three years ago for Episode I: The Phantom Menace.

No doubt, this is an easy crowd to mock. You see a big, bearded lonely-looking guy with an nearly life-sized portrait of Natalie Portman, bare-midriffed as Episode I and II's Queen Amidala, and you think: "If he does what I think he's going to do with that poster, I hope he leaves the plastic sheeting on."

Stormtroopers provided security; there was one guarding each room, a headset under his or her helmet. When conventioneers shared the news that Attack of the Clones producer Rick McCallum would soon be speaking, they spoke his name in hushed tones, as if he were the Rev. Sun Myung Moon. (Past and present Star Wars types Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams, Anthony Daniels and Hayden Christiansen also were there. If you named them as Princess Leia, Lando Calrissian, C-3PO and Anakin Skywalker before reading this sentence, then you probably were at the convention. Or should have been.) And almost all of the women were there with husbands or boyfriends — If you weren't already a couple, your chances of coupling weren't good. On the other hand, it appeared that the couples probably met at a previous fan function, given the number of families in matching Obi-wan Kenobi outfits.

And this is just the stuff I saw walking through the convention center on my way to another function on May 3, the first day of the three-day convention. I was there to pick up my free T-shirt and other doo-dads for running in the next day's half-marathon kicking off the events associated with the Indianapolis 500. I saw the Star Wars crowd at 8 a.m. the next day at the start of the run; there were at least hundreds in a line snaking around the convention center, waiting for the event to open in another hour. As the runners started off on a 13.1-mile journey, one fan couldn't resist saying, "May the force be with you!"

With 106 minutes of running ahead of me, I had a lot of time to think about the Star Wars folks. How could anyone be so into a movie? I've seen Blazing Saddles 30 times, so I understand on that level, but it's not like I and other fans put on conventions so we can dress as Mongo or Sheriff Bart or the Waco Kid or Hedley LaMarr and try to pick up Lili von Shtupp.

On the day after the run, my father, my 4-year-old son and I went to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway for opening day at the track, part of the 21-day driver and fan preparation for the sporting event with the world's greatest one-day attendance (300,000 people or so). At opening day, we stood in line for race drivers' autographs, role-played as racers on a slot car track, ogled cars and saw oversized posters of drivers past and present. I was surrounded by people trying to dress like a checkered flag, through various combinations of T-shirts, halter tops, shorts and visors. Few women appeared without boyfriends or husbands.

As the day ended, I stopped laughing at the Star Wars people. I am them! What's the difference between me as a race fan and them as a Star Wars fan? Nothing! I looked at my autographed photo of Michael Andretti. I decided I would put plastic sheeting over it. Just in case.

— Bob Cook (bobc@flakmag.com)