The Decade's Best Sentence
"That first sentence is the hardest one to write" is a tired cliché among writers, but if it's a cliché, there's likely a bit of truth behind it.
The first sentence should be a gateway to your book. For an unknown writer, those first words are akin to a sales pitch. It's what curious folks in the bookstore will read once they're drawn in by the cover art or placement within the store. Unless you're Philip Roth, Toni Morrison, Norman Mailer or someone of the sort, you rely, to a certain extent, on that first line to peddle at least a few books.
It's not too much of a shock, then, to discover that 1990s literature's best sentence is a first sentence. It's also, at 514 words, a long sentence. (It is so long, in fact, that the numerous quotes that appeared in Kirkus Reviews were all extracted from that one sentence). It comes from the mind of Donald Antrim, who with his three slim, clever novels, "Elect Mr. Robinson for a Better World," "The Hundred Brothers" and "The Verificationist" has positioned himself as a name to watch in the zeroes, or the oughts, or whatever we're calling them.
Personally, I've found writing that last sentence to be a bit tougher than crafting an opening, which is why I end this mini-essay with Antrim's award-winning sentence the opening line from the dazzling "The Hundred Brothers," which was a finalist for the 1996 PEN/Faulkner award.
My brothers Rob, Bob, Tom, Paul, Ralph, Phil, Noah, William, Nick, Dennis, Christopher, Frank, Simon, Saul, Jim, Henry, Seamus, Richard, Jeremy, Walter, Jonathan, James, Arthur, Rex, Bertram, Vaughan, Daniel, Russel, and Angus; and the triplets Herbert, Patrick, and Jeffrey; identical twins Michael and Abraham, Lawrence and Peter, Winston and Charles, Scott and Samuel; and Eric, Donovan, Roger, Lester, Larry, Clinton, Drake, Gregory, Leon, Kevin, and Jack all born on the same day, the twenty-third of May, though at different hours in separate years and the caustic graphomaniac, Sergio, whose scathing opinions appear with regularity in the front-of-book pages of the more conservative monthlies, not to mention on the liquid crystal scenes that glow at night atop the radiant work stations of countless bleary-eyed computer bulletin-board subscribers (among whom our brother is known, affectionately, electronically, as Surge); and Albert, who is blind; and Siegfried, the sculptor in burning steel; and clinically depressed Anton; schizophrenic Irv, recovering addict Clayton; and Maxwell, the tropical botanist, who, since returning from the rain forest, has seemed a little screwed up somehow; and Jason, Joshua, and Jeremiah, each vaguely gloomy in his own "lost boy" way; and Eli, who spends his solitary wakeful evenings in the tower, filling notebooks with drawings the artist's multiple renderings for a larger work? portraying the faces of his brothers, including Chuck, the prosecutor; Porter, the diarist; Andrew, the civil rights activist; Pierce the designer of radically unbuildable buildings; Barry, the good doctor of medicine; Fielding, the documentary-film maker; Spencer, the spook with known ties to the State Department; Foster, the "new millennium" psychotherapist; and George, the urban planner who, if you read the papers, you'll recall, distinguished himself, not so long ago, with that innovative program for revitalizing the decaying downtown area (as "an animate interactive diorama illustrating contemporary cultural and economic folkways"), only to shock and amaze everyone, absolutely everyone, by vanishing with a girl named Jane and an overnight bag packed with municipal funds in unmarked hundreds; and all the young fathers: Seth, Rod, Vidal, Bennet, Dutch, Brice, Allan, Clay, Vincent, Gustavus, and Joe; and Hiram, the eldest; Zachary, the Giant; Jacob, the polymath; Virgil, the compulsive whisperer; Milton, the channeler of spirits who speak across time; and the really bad womanizers: Stephen, Denzil, Forrest, Topper, Temple, Lewis, Mongo, Spooner, and Fish; and, of course, our celebrated "perfect" brother, Benedict, recipient of a medal of honor from the Academy of Sciences for work over twenty years in chemical transmission of "sexual language" in eleven types of social insects all of us (except George, about whom there have been many rumors, rumors upon rumors: he's fled the vicinity, he's right here under our noses, he's using an alias or maybe several, he has a new face, that sort of thing) all my ninety-eight, not counting George, brothers and I recently came together in the red library and resolved that the time had arrived, finally, to stop being blue, put the past behind us, share a light supper, and locate, if we could bear to, the missing urn full of the old fucker's ashes.
Eric Wittmershaus (ericw at flakmag dot com)