Shopgirl
by Steve Martin
Hyperion

The throng of celebrities who have failed at high-profile endeavors outside of the one that made them famous cannot be lightly regarded. It cannot be side-stepped, shushed or ignored, so vast is its range. A quick mental catalog brings to mind Paul Simon's musical "Cape Man," Keanu Reeves' band Dog Star and the short-lived basketball career of Master P. To say nothing of O.J. Simpson's brief venture into the world of high-priced cutlery.

So it would be easy to write off the brilliant-but-inconsistent Steve Martin's foray into novel writing as simply another bad career move in the long line of celebrity missteps that began with Grover Cleveland's leaden debut album, Super Grover.

But that would be a mistake because "Shopgirl" is actually a charming, endearing read packed with terrific observations about low-self-esteem dating, millionaires and the Los Angeles shopping scene.

The book, a slim 130 pages, follows the romantic fortunes of Mirabelle, the shopgirl of the title. Every day, Mirabelle works the fancy glove counter at Neiman's in L.A., "selling things nobody buys anymore." Not surprisingly, these lonely days, coupled with a general lack of reliable close friends, hopelessly depress the East Coast transplant.

She fumbles through a pseudo-relationship with a sound equipment sales guy named Jeremy, having sex with him in hopes of getting some intimate cuddling afterward. In between, she hopes her two flaky friends return her calls and wonders what she is going to do for Thanksgiving. Until one day when she meets Mr. Ray Porter, a similarly adrift millionaire who's old enough to be her father.

The remainder of the book analytically follows the path of their obviously doomed relationship: She wants someone to curl up next to, he just wants some fun.

By eschewing dialogue and traditional plot structure, — the book is chronological but doesn't really have much of a climax — Martin puts the focus of the book on the knack of his omniscient narrator to properly catalog and summarize Mirabelle and Ray's takes on each other, and life in general. Take, for example, this summary of Ray's habits of dating a stream of younger women but never making an emotional investment:

This fact-finding mission, in the guise of philandering, is necessary because as a youth he failed to observe women properly. He never sorted them into types, or catalogued their neuroses so he could spot them again for the tiniest clue. He is now taking a remedial course in fucking 101, to learn how to handle the diatribes, inexplicable antics, insults and misunderstandings that seem to him to be the inevitable conclusion to the syllogism of sex. But he is not aware that he is on such a serious mission: he thinks he is a bachelor having a good time.

This knack carries the book. "Shopgirl" does not rely on Martin's good humor, and it's better off for it, as it splendidly shows this celebrity is no one-trick pony.

— Eric Wittmershaus (ericw at flakmag dot com)