Flak Magazine Letters
May-Aug 2005
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8-22-05
To: James Norton
Re: Weekly Shredder 48
Effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
One might point out that the cost of foreign aid in the US is something like 0.1 percent of GDP, if I remember right — that is to say, something like $11 billion. It'd take 20 years to pay off the Iraq war through not paying foreign aid.
[Not that that message was exactly well sourced to begin with...]
Cheers,
— dan brown
kitchener, ontario
8-16-05
To: James Norton
Re: Doing the Dishes
Dear Jim,
If dishwashing "carries its own metaphor for a decaying relationship," does making the bed every day suggest the ruination by familiarity of sexual pleasure or the persistent, hopeful revival of it? Perhaps it signifies hiding sex and sexuality. Perhaps the careful covering over of the sloppy fun is a sign of repression, of possession....Oh my, the theories have spun out of control and I shall soon end up with a Freudian version of Intelligent Design, Civilization And It's Table of Contents.
Perhaps I miss your point entirely, having grown up the eldest of ten children with only myself and my father as dishwashers. In an egalitarian gesture beyond his generational inclinations, my grandfather's and uncle's after dinner chore was washing, drying and putting away the dishes. It was a task, neither atrocious nor weighted with grossness, that had to be done as part of eating dinner, part and parceled with listening to ballgames or watching hockey.
Creation, your top of the heap, is often untidy internally and externally. Even writing requires a great many tasks, like buying paper or updating the computer programs, for example.Those that build for and clean up after the visionaries are, in fact, those that solidify ephemeral visions. Without the hunters and gatherers, without the farmers, the creatives would hallucinate great things just before starving to death. Picasso used young women to, ahem, clean his brushes and cook his meals. Would you eat from a dirty plate? Use pointless pencils? Hierarchies, even imaginary ones, are always inaccurate. In your case, they make things worse in imagination than they are in real life. Own up, you just hate the feel of old food. In which case, gloves would provide the protection of insensibility. Convenient denial in Playtex yellow.
Me, I just hate looking at dirty dishes. Besides, I get ants. Now, cleaning the bathroom is what brings order to a chaotic universe.
Mary C. McFadden
San Francisco, CA
Re: Doing the Dishes
Dear Mary,
I think you're confusing my description of a hierarchy with my endorsement of a hierarchy. I would never claim that creators are somehow inherently better or more capable people; just that society tends to give them a lot more respect and they draw a lot more social water, while people who wash dishes for a living are inevitably at the bottom of the pile. No doubt that it takes all kinds to make the world go wrong, and it's a lot more respectable (in my mind) to be a great plumber than to be a lousy novelist.
I actually quite like washing dishes. It just occured to me that it could become quite a horrible thing if it was representative of one's whole lifestyle, and it wasn't a lifestyle you'd necessarily knowingly chosen...
at your service,
Jim
8-02-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: KOtS: Knight TV
Dear Bob,
First of all, I want to tell you that I am a long-time huge fan of Coach Knight. I wanted to email you regarding your sketch about him, his wife, and the other characters in it.
For the most part, I thought the sketch was funny as heck. The only part that I did not like, and thought was in very poor taste was the parts involving the Coach's wonderful wife. I didn't appreciate the fact that she was cheapened, instead of being shown as the wonderful lady that she is. To my way of thinking, you should have shown her to be a person of great strength and character. There was no bigger rock for Coach Knight than she was, when he was flimflammed by a university that he did so much for, but yet they deemed it neccessary to stick it to him. I would sincerely hope that in the future, when you do a sketch or article about Coach Knight, and you deem it neccessary to mention his wife, that you would do so in the highly respectful manner that she is deserving of.
Thank you.
Jimmy Graham
8-01-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: KOtS: Architecture by Numbers
Hi Bob,
I just read your column about the new breed of cookie-cutter stadiums. I couldn't agree with you more. When I went to Petco last season, I felt like I had been there before.
On that note, there's nothing like Dodger Stadium. Sure the dimensions are symmetrical close to the point of tedium, but there's no mistaking where you are.
Good work,
Billy
7-26-05
To: Alissa Rowinsky
Re: Funyuns
my friend, your funyun piece — which i just stumbled across — is the funniest thing i have read in a long time. on top of that, it is profoundly professional-like. paced, balanced and the perfect length. all that humor and i never felt like you were showing off.
wow. have you achieved greatness already? or are you about to? The cynic in me says you now work at Frito-Lay. The optimist says you have a book i can buy. either way it will be fun to follow.
thanks for the laughs, best of luck, and by the way — i cram Dots down my gullet like i'm fresh off the desert island. someday you may need to examine those faux-gelatinous, softer-than-jugifruits (sp), space-age polymer blops for me.
tim
7-20-05
To: James Norton
Re: Autocrat Coffee Syrup
Yes it's the smallest state, our capital is the size of Little Rock, AR (and RI could fit inside of AR a few times over) go figure. but anyone who's anyone knows it's the "resort island of the rich." if you don't know well then......
Anyway, Autocrat is a New England thang, you just wouldn't understand.
7-11-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: Tamed in Tampa
Bob,
Just came across your good column on Piniella. But just a minor perception correction — Lou never attcked me physically.
He just made a pointed, big stink to an umpire during a game & heaved his mitt at me in exaspiration, which was pretty funny to the crowd (who thought he was part of a Chicken gag at the moment)! But no Rob Dibble slugfest in my direction. (How could you've overlooked that classic scene in your piece)?
In reality, for years now, Lou has been wonderful with me. Maybe age does mellow even the most rambungious among us. My guess is he's biding his time in Tampa until a plum opening may present itself. Meanwhile, as a shrewd observer of talent, you can be sure he's scouting the young D-Ray talent up close for pickings on his next gig.
6-28-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: Team Demolition Derby
Hi Bob,
I am writing to introduce myself; I am the media relations director for the Team Demo Association and we are thrilled beyond measure with your article! You have no idea the positive impact your article has had on all of us. We have worked SO hard for five years, poured time and money into a TV pilot, and hit nothing but hurdles the entire time, including having two sponsorship guys cancel their trip from L.A. this past weekend to see our Team Demo live. That was the last straw...and then you came along. I would like to talk with you live about Team Demo if you have the time and interest. You recognize what eludes so many. This is a CASH COW, ripe for reality tv. We don't even have to contrive deadlines. These guys all have REAL deadlines to get 12 cars ready for each demo race. These guys pour time and money into their cars and away from their families. One of the team captains is going through a divorce and his wife wants half of the demo team in the settlement. These are the kinds of stories that make for excellent, unscripted reality television.
Thank you for your excellent writing,
Denise Dorman
6-21-05
To: James Norton
Re: The Wire vs. The Sopranos
Jim,
Just happened to read your Sopranos-Wire comparison, which was linked on TVtattle. I'm the Newsday critic who declared The Wire the best television series ever produced. Actually, I no longer sure that's true, as Deadwood keeps getting better and richer.
But never mind that. What's with the "timid pussywillow" jibe? I think we're kind of on the same page about The Wire, but it sounded like you were putting me down for not being as hyperbolic as you.
Which is not to say yours wasn't a nicely done piece.
Happy viewing,
Noel
Re: The Wire vs. The Sopranos
Dear Noel,
Nice to hear from you. In all seriousness, I think your assessment of the series gibes completely with my own. Sniping at your very positive assessment of The Wire was my attempt to express, through what I intended as self-mocking hyperbole, the ridiculous extent of my own high regard for the series.
"Deadwood" has grown on me. As a story about the essential question of why and how humanity, in general, tends to get increasingly "civilized," it's brilliant — every new institution that appears in Deadwood changes the character of the town. And we get to see Swearengen frantically try to cope with and stay ahead of the change.
I see "Deadwood" as great political fiction, and "The Wire" as great fictionalized reportage — choose your poison. "The Wire" is more exciting to me because I feel as though I'm learning more — about Baltimore, about cop culture, about gang culture, about the dynamics of the drug war.
Thanks for writing — I appreciate it.
best regards,
Jim
6-18-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: American Idol
Bob
Like you, I have watched the movies over 100 times. Reading your article, I was saddened to learn about the death of Kent Poole.
How may I also be able to contact some of the cast members to let them know how I felt about the movie? I am understanding that the movie was filmed in 3 different cities? Is this true? If so, what scenes were filmed where?
Thank you so much for your time!
Jack Raymond
Re: American Idol
The story includes links to phone numbers and web addresses for cast members Wade Schenck, Steve Hollar and Brad Long. As for what scenes were filmed where: as I note, the gym is in Knightstown, Ind. The town scenes are shot in New Richmond, Ind. St. Philip Neri Catholic church and school's gym in Indianapolis serves as one of the away gyms. Hinkle Fieldhouse on the Butler University campus was used for the state finals scene; it was the venue for the state finals at the time. As for other scenes, there's no definitive online guide to where they're shot, and unfortunately the new 2-DVD set doesn't include a location map.
5-24-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: American Idol
You read too much Robert Christaugh and the Village Voice. Ronstadt has the one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful voices in the last 50 years. Her top 10 hits may have been her bread and butter — but anyone who has seen her live then or now — knows what a real American vocalist can achieve listen to her records — go see her live.
Ronstadt feelings when she sings is exactly what a post-hippie chanteuse white chick from the southwest should sound like if she is blessed with such a naturally beautiful instrument. Mentioning her in relation to the Idol females shows your ignorance — they are jokes as far as singers are included shlock on toast.
Cathryn Krugman
5-23-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: American Idol
Thankfully Ronstadt has a career much longer than you ever will have. You are just a frigging idiot.
LBBearHugz
5-23-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: American Idol
Just want you to know how much I liked your article, with the sports analogies relating to American Idol. I have said to several people that AI coming on following the NFL season has kept me in a nervous tizzy. As an Atlanta Falcons fan, I anticipated each game with a mixture of desire and dread - would Michael Vick be Superman again, or would I watch him go down with another broken leg? This was especially true when he would be surrounded by beefy defenders and suddenly he would spin out of their grasp. My heart could only take so much! I have felt the same way about AI. Never watched it before, thought it was a bunch of pop singers who all sounded the same, when I happened upon an internet reference to Bo Bice's "Whipping Post" performance early in the season. Tracked it down and watched a clip - needlesss to say I was hooked.
So last Tuesday, when Seacrest said Bo was doing something never before seen in AI history by singing a cappella, I actually covered my eyes, because I was afraid he might crash and burn. Yes, you were so right - it was the three-pointer at the buzzer, the 50-yard field goal or Hail Mary pass with no time on the clock. After Bo's performance, I thought that it really didn't matter if he came in 2nd. It was Michael Vick in snowy Green Bay all over again. He had donbe something that could never be taken away, that would stand as one of the most memorable events of the season.
Thanks again!
Wendy Nichols
Savannah, GA
5-23-05
To: Bob Cook
Re: Everybody Loves Raymond
You manage to pinpoint the origin of the queasiness I always experience after watching "Everybody Loves Raymond". Brilliant stuff, keep it up!
Greetings from Sweden,
Pär Svensson
6-2-05
To: James Norton
Re: Review of Best Buy Sucks
Just thought you should hear from a person who has worked for Best Buy for 3 years. I started as an occasional/seasonal salesman with no retail experience. The senior of the pc dept at the store I worked at was just finishing his law degree and working there to get the bills paid. He took the time to help me develop my sales abilities (I sucked big time) and showed me how I could use these skills in my life beyond the time I may spend with Best Buy (at the time I didn't think I'd be there past the holidays).
Well now I've been there almost 3 years and have risen through the ranks to the mid-level position of Dept Supervisor. I started at 10 cents over minimum wage and now make more than most of my buddies who finished college. My old senior (who went on to pass the BAR btw) is now a sales manager making more than he would working as a lawyer and is my mentor.
Why am I telling you this? Simple - My experience with this company has been better than any job previously (I'm 28). Has it had bad points? Sure, all jobs do. Have there been assholes that have made me want to quit? You betcha!@! But I moved to a different store with good managers and now run a top 100 in the company department.
The people that write the majority of the complaints on websites like bestbuysux.org are overexaggerating and just plain blaming others for their bad attitudes. Most of these people would be miserable at other jobs too. I know that alot of the people who bitch and moan about how best buy fired them will later on come to realize they probably deserved it.
I just thought you should hear from someone who actually likes the company he works for and the people who work for him.
Z Friesen, Store 450
Portland, OR
6-16-05
To: Eve Adams
Re: The Shield
I just read your take on "The Shield." I like your insights. I have been watching the show since the first season came out on DVD and have now, thanks to life back on the cable bandwagon, up to speed with each and every episode aired to date, including Tuesday's finale. I must admit, that between seasons 3 and 4 I also took a serious liking to "The Wire" (on HBO) and to some extent it has clouded my judgement of any and everything I have and ever will see on television, especially the "cop-procedural" shows. (To some extent this initially hampered my enjoyment of the first episode of this season's "Shield"...when Mackey and his team force confessions or (well, they just cut out a lot of the "police work" (and bureaucracy) so brilliantly protrayed in "The Wire")... anyway, and to some extent turned (in my minds eye) what happens on "The Shield" into some sort of cartoon. That being said, Vic and his team (but especially Vic) have transcended the cartoonishness of their protrayal of the police procedures by truly embodying in their performance the struggle, the inner demons, their characters are dealing with. (The great line from the finale, Rawling asking Vic if he knows how he/this is all going to end up... wow, what a way to make him/the audience think.) (I also think Anthony Anderson's character gave the show the villian it needed, right guy at the right time.)
Anyway, I was rambling, but I just wanted to tell you that I thought your take on the show was in line with mine... (Especially the whole Money Train experience.) We'll see where this is all headed, I hope, next season...
Jason Rolloff
via email
