Flak Magazine Letters
Sep-Dec 2003
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11-03-03
To: Jim Norton
Re: Songs Where They Spell Stuff
hi, my name is Lauren.
I came across your article about songs which spell words out within the vocals. I found it quite intriguing and did a bit more research myself to find more examples, and possibly discover some buried significance or purpose behind its use. Here are a couple a came across that you may find interesting. If you know of any more songs in this category that you didn't mention, please let me know.
Caution- Operation Ivy, Be Aggressive- Faith No More, Sexxy- They Might be Giants, Ugly- Fishbone, Aka Idiot- The Hives, Hell- Squirrel Nut Zippers, Microphone Fiend- Rage Against the Machine (originally Eric B.), Hustler- Ice T, Zoloft- Ween, I'm Nothing- Violent Femmes, Hiphop- KRS-ONE.
Anyways, it is quite satifying to find new specimens, so if you've got any more it would be awesome.
Thanks, Lauren
10-15-03
To: Bob Cook
Re: KOtS!: College Basketball's Coming Out Party
From: "Fack Joo" bobcookisgay@hotmail.com
"Midnight Madness started at Maryland in 1971, when Coach Lefty Driesell took his team out for a midnight run on the football field. There was no promotion of the run, but about 3,000 people showed up anyway. It took until 1982, at Kentucky, however, for Midnight Madness to become the dog-and-pony show of dunks, ball tricks and other crowd-pleasers. At Georgetown, even the kickline gets a chance to shake off the off-season rust. If you're lucky, you might get a Vegas-style grand entrance, like when Michigan State coach Tom Izzo rode his Harley onto center court."
Dog and Pony ?? Fuck you Bob, you cock sucking homo faggot shit. Lick my sweaty nut sack you faggot. Fuck you bitch.
Re: KOtS!: College Basketball's Coming Out Party
Thanks for reading!
I also recommend you read this to understand some latent tendencies you may have:
KOtS!: Being Gay
Cheers,
Bob "Faggot" Cook
10-19-03
To: Elbert Ventura
Re: Left Out
I read with some interest your piece entitled "Left Out" in Flak.
I noted that you cite an _Economist_ editor as saying that more people were lifted out of poverty since 1950 than in the past 500 years--or something to that effect. You then suggested that people you assumed to be leftists in the room listening to these remarks gave a noticeable "pshaw" of disbelief. You then seemed to chide them for their disbelief and their "radical rhetoric" about the problems of globalization, etc. You seemed to be saying that they have to accept the way things are and leave the old rhetoric behind, or something like that. I'm sure you will correct me if I'm wrong.
Unfortunately all of these assertions and projection of political outlooks on an audience you presumably only could guess about --for the most part--seems to be unsubstantiated assumption. But be that as it may, I wonder how loud your "pshaw" would be if it were claimed to you that socialism was directly responsible for lifting the vast majority of the world's population out of poverty since 1950. It really is a no-brainer: up until 1991 the majority of the world's population lived in socialist societies with relatively high standards of living (in comparison to what they had been and to what many are now, e.g. Poland currently enjoys 18% unemployment and destroyed wage, price, pension scale, and very little of the social safety it once enjoyed). And while the capitalist world economy languishes currently (with growing unemployment and poverty rates) the opposite is taking place in China and Vietnam, to cite only two examples.
Let me do it for you: pshaw.
Best wishes,Joel Wendland Ypsilanti, MI
10-08-03
To: James Norton
Re: Grapermelon gum
Hi Jim,
While students at Penn State, my friends and I stopped at the La Bamba pretty regularly. If you skip the onions, the burritos are pretty decent. Tortas are the way to go, but that's not what La Bamba's is known for.
The genius of La Bamba, aside from opening shop a block from our apartment, was staying open well past the bars closed; hungry or not, we usually stumbled in on the way home. This lead to one of the most memorable, if least clever, lines from that period when Milo proudly ordered a burrito as big as his dick. He's now an orthopedic surgeon.
Take care,
Todd McClafferty
10-01-03
To: Taylor Carik
Re: Harper's Bazaar
Hello Flak,
I'm writing regarding Taylor Carik's piece on Harper's Bazaar. I was pretty dumbfounded by it. No offense meant to the author, but I'm surprised that Flak would publish so shallow an assessment of Bazaar, one of the oldest and most esteemed American periodicals. A more interesting piece might have been how Bazaar, under the leadership of editrix Glenda Bailey, has a decidedlylow-brow feel these days, contrary to what Carik finds.
I wonder if he (she?) has ever read Vogue, American or British, or magazines like W, Town and Country, Gotham, V, or a host of others. Hell, even Jane magazine is photographing $2500 Cartier rings.
First off, a complaint: I'm assuming, perhaps incorrectly, that the image twice cited of a model holding a baby and wearing a leather jacket is one of the new Gucci ads. HB has no say on the layout of its advertisers' pages. The Gucci campaign is eyebrow-raising, to be sure; naturally, none of the models featured looks in the least like a mother, and there's something sort of monstrous about the babies they shot. But it's an ad campaign; that's what ads do: confound and tantalize.
But please note: few consumer fashion/women's magazines are about acquiring any of the products featured therein. They're about brand extension, they're about making you want. Yes, Nicole Kidman wears custom Pucci, and no, you will never be able to afford it yourself. But you can afford the $25 bottle of Calvin Klein scent that's so heavily advertised, and then you'll feel as though you got a piece of the pie. That's how these things work. At their worst, these magazines contribute to some widespread social malaise. At their best, they remove you from your daily routine as a Banana Republic-wearing wage slave. Split the difference. The criticism that the media is to blame for an array of social ills is irritating and kind of simplistic.
The brutal reality is that there is always going to be a segment of the population that can afford crocodile Hermes gloves and engraved Smythson stationery, and another segment of the population will wish they had it so good. And for $3 an issue, they almost can.
Rumaan Alam
09-23-03
To: James Norton
Re: (Can't) Beat the Brat
Dear Mr. Norton,
I'm writing to point out a most shocking and disturbing error in fact.
In your article "(Can't) Beat the Brat," you describe the ways in which "colorful regionalisms" are on the wane and "Accents are less common these days, washed away by cable TV's Iowa-bleached standard American English."
Research by the University of Pennsylvania Linguistics Lab suggests otherwise. The ABC News blurb is pretty interesting.
Sincerely,
Erin Cheever
09-18-03
To: James Norton
Re: Arby's Oven Mitt ads
Just read your review of The Oven Mitt. Dude, you've got some serious time on your hands! Too bad you don't put some of that genious into a big Hollywood flick with a truly funny sidekick so fools like me wouldn't have to earn 5% of my income from suprisingly lucrative voice over work.
Take Care,Tom Arnold
09-17-03
To: J. Daniel Janzen
Re: The Swan Song of Johnny Cash
Daniel,
I just wanted to thank you for your touching article in Flak Magazine on Johnny Cash.
As a fan of his, and mother of a 13 year old son who just recently fell in love with him and his song, "Hurt," I just wanted to thank you for the eloquence with which you wrote of him. I loved how you said, "Once again, June has welcomed Johnny home to the Lord."
I have printed out your article for my son to read, and add to his growing scrap book of Johnny Cash! What treasures we have in his musical legacy, and wonderful thoughts expressed by writers like you! Now my son wants to begin collecting ALL his music!
Well, thanks again,
Sheila Gray in Northern Virginia, USA
09-17-03
To: James Norton
Re: Botan Rice Candy
well, some moron out there had the botan elephant put on his ankle when he was but 18 years of age. that moron was me! why? because it's an elephant and botan is good stuff. why am i sharing this with you? because you find botan fun...?
botan has got me laid my friend...
-john
